what else can I do (march)
the rollercoaster continued this month. life was mostly dominated by employment woes. I've been feeling wobbly. it's a strike to my nervous system when another person gets picked over me. I'm afraid of what april might look like. it feels like I need to dial in, but what have I been doing if not dialing in? what else can I do?
it's hard to look outside and see the bright sunny weather and warming temperatures. how can I hunker down in my slow season when the rest of the world is speeding up?
I've started practicing yoga again and my muscles feel sore and stretched for the first time in a while. I struggled to meet myself on the mat at first – I don't feel like I have the energy or internal power to work hard... but it also feels frivolous to drop into my body just to breathe. but I did it anyway, and I guess that is what it means when teachers say, "the hardest part is done." you've already overcome the mental battle and offered to meet yourself here. you're experiencing challenge and ease, exploring your limits and occasionally exceeding what you thought they were, and you're still breathing through it all. I am beginning to see what it really means to "practice" yoga.
march recap
things I started:
networking & interviews. volunteer training at word up (and my first shift!). reading books again & permitting myself unadulterated leisure time. well, mostly unadulterated. I'm trying to experience leisure time without feeling the need to earn it.
things I left behind:
working out and grocery shopping, tbh. I need to get back into the swing of a personal life routine that involves more than networking and stressing about employment.
what I read:
hemlock & silver by t. kingfisher.
what I watched:
my hero academia seasons 5-8, which destroyed me. I have the biggest emotional hangover. I also continued my fruits basket rewatch but then restarted blue lock to have something lighter and more mindless.
what I played:
dragon quest builders 2 on ps5 (just a little). I finished the main story islands!
what I listened to:
- arirang, which is extremely good
- [03.26] resilience, trust & taking care
what I wanted:
more confidence. cheaper rent (it's well below the average, but it still feels expensive). a massage. sunnier days. cooler weather (I'm not ready for spring). another slice of pizza. a call back from [redacted].
what I felt grateful for:
public libraries. my therapist. a new BTS album. people I chatted with – tim and dan for being so down to earth and generous with their time, phil for connecting me with a recruiter and offering his help even though he's only met me once.
what I'm looking forward to:
therapy and lily allen and maybe a hike with my D&D group in april...?